myblog

In Memory of my wonderful mother...

 

VOX

I really can't believe there will no longer be vox, I know i don't come here that often to post a blog anymore.. But I did like the fact that i could come here and my moms blog is stilll there all her pics and everything.. And no it's going to be all gone! GRRRRRRRRRRR

:)

Trees

Life is great...

The girl that seemed broken, is unbreakable, the girl that seemed 2 crumble, is very strong, the girl that always cried, is full of happiness, the girl that fell 2 the bottom is on top of the world ♥

This yr seems to be going by so fast, It hasn't been a easy yr, When I lost my mom in jan for the longest time, I felt numb, felt so much anger, pain I had so many emotions running through me.. I didn't think it would get easier to accept it, The first holidays and birthday has been the hardest.. I don't know if i have totally accepted it but it the numbness and anger has went away, was setting here thinking on how I wish she was here the last cpl of months to see how well i have done and all the obstacles I have overcame and how great my life has became she would have been so proud of me cause I have done everything she said I could do.. But then I realized she is here with me she has been all along, watching me and helping me though it all... And for once I am proud of myself and happy with who i am, I think I am at peace with everything in my life now..

Getting ready to move in this amazing house I loved it the min i walked into it, Should be moved in by the end of the month :).. The weather here in mo is finally starting cool down.. Hope everyone is having a good week... And my brother got married this month congrats denny :)

YAY..

Last weekend was awesome, My brother is home from iraq, and he was down in missouri for a visit. I think we both needed that...

just some pics

looking forward to the weekend

Thought I would post a fast blog, Celebrated my 32nd b day on the 11th, It was a pretty good one had red lobster for lunch than shopping afterwards lol, so yeah I can't complain..  I kept myself pretty busy that day cause I still caught myself waiting on my phone to ring and it would be my mom but i got through the day with a smile on my face knowing she was watching over me... We had a pretty bad storm that day and after wards I went outside and walked around for alittle bit, and saw a double rainbow I hadn't seen one of those since i was younger and was with my mom in Dixon and after seeing that the rest of the day I was pretty much at peace with everything.. Looking forward to this weekend going to the lake saturday and then sunday I will be spending fathers day with my dad for the very first time. I am really looking forward to that.. Hope everyone has a great weekend...

Sleeping through this weekend, But happy mother's day to all the mothers.

Sometimes I catch myself
Thinking, "When I phone,
I can talk of this or that!"
Then remember, I'm alone.
She was always there
To answer my calls -
To listen to my "small talk"
Or when I climbed the walls.
At times, I didn't feel like talking
And somehow, she understood -
Didn't say she wished Id call
Or make me feel like I should.
Now, I wish I would have
More times, to show I cared -
To say, just how important
Were, all those times we shared.
I could have shown my love
So much more than I did -
I never, did it enough
Even when I was a kid.
Now it's too late to do or say
All those things I wish I had -
No way to ease the pain inside
When my heart is sad.
She was my "anchor" to this life -
The "rock", that I clung to -
The place, where I could turn
When, nowhere else would do.
All I have to cling to
Are memories of yesterday

nothing

I hardly ever come to this site anymore, it's just not the same but going to try to start blogging again, who knows how often.. I can't say things are any easier yet, the hurt and pain is still there. Starting to realize how much i dread certain things coming up, I"m tired of walking into a store and seeing something about mothers day and thinking I won't get that call from my mom or i won't be calling her whichever of us got to it first, or my b-day next month I won't get a call first thing in the morning and i won't hear my mom singing happy b day to me. These are the days i just want to skip, or just sleep through.  Making through the days by trying to keep myself busy keeping my mind of things, Im sure it will be better once i get to go back to work. Hope everyone is having or enjoying their weekend....

what you see on the outside is my personal disguise.

..Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room,
yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.
Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease,
yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.
Outside lives a girl with a  laugh that's contagious,
yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.
Outside lives a girl with the personality people enjoys at times,
yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.
Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough,
yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.
Outside lives a girl full of life,
yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.
Outside lives a girl tries to have a good image,
yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.
Outside lives a girl that tries,
yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.
Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations,
yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.
What you see on the outside is my personal disguise,
What hides underneath you can't even begin to imagine.